Everybody Is Afraid Of Something
by Instantpowder
Summary: The title says it all. Minor spoilers for all seasons possible.
1. Cuddy

**Everybody is afraid of something**

Her whole life she had been moving. Moving on, moving ahead, moving forward, moving up, moving.

If it had meant working her ass off, she had done it.

If it had meant giving up beloved things (and people) for it, she had done it.

If it had meant being alone, she had dealt with the loneliness.

The feeling of having reached and done more than anybody else had filled her with satisfaction, she felt accomplished.

Now, she had a nice and spacious office, a hospital, which had made it into the Nation's Top Ten under her leadership.

She had the best doctors, the best staff, the best equipment.

She had the nicest waiting rooms, the nicest pediatrics, the nicest doctor's lounges.

She had a nice old, restored and stylish home.

She had a nice car.

And now, after having reached everything nearly everyone would envy her for she realized that she felt empty.

Because the little detail that Lisa Cuddy forgot to include into her perfect plan was that once you made it to the top there is nowhere to go anymore. Only down again, which was out of question.

She leaned heavy on the sink, starring into the foggy mirror. A face with a pale complexion and hollow eyes was starring back at her. She did not look away or was startled by it. She knew the face. The last time she had seen was over fifteen years ago when she had started her career. The craving in her eyes, the craving of wanting more and the determination of doing whatever was necessary to get the satisfaction back. To feel alive and complete again.

So she had tried to move on. A little baby. With blue eyes and dark curls. But mother nature had only laughed at her futile attempts.

And while she stared at her reflection and listened to the silence the realization hit her with full force.

She wasn't moving anymore.

She was standing still.

And it scared the shit out of her.


	2. Wilson

He loved his job. He really did. He probably had chosen one of the hardest specialties in the field of medicine.

But he liked to care and he liked to give hope by giving everything he possibly could and sometimes even more.

The problem was that he had to crush hopes several times a week by offering the diagnosis: Terminal.

He had loved his first wife. He really had. He had met her at McGill. She was scared by the professors, by the tough schedule. Afraid of never ever mastering her exams. He helped her, loved her, gave her back faith into her skills and gave her hope. She succeeded , grew self-confident, he left. She didn't need him anymore. Nothing for him to give anymore.

He had loved his second wife, Bonnie. He had met her at JFK. She had missed her flight and he had just returned from a conference. Her suitcase was broken, one of her heels was broken, she had lost her glasses and was desperate. He had helped her. He had taken care of her, they had changed numbers.

He organized her messy life, she started to grow independent from him, he cheated on her, they split.

He had loved his third wife, Julie. He had met her in a bar. She was getting drunk, she had lost her job the day before and was depressed.

He comforted her, she cried on his shoulder, he took her home. A few years later Julie had her own attorney's office and made more money than James Wilson ever would. She didn't need him anymore, he cheated on her, they split.

He had tried to convince House that he had broken the pattern. That he didn't need neediness anymore. A lie.

Amber was a scared little girl, tough on the outside, hard shell. But on the inside she was just craving love and appreciation. Something Mommy and Daddy had never given her.

He had noticed, he gave her what she needed, until the moment she would have enough self-esteem. He would leave her, she would go on without him.

He once had thought about dating Cuddy. He never told House, of course. But she already was independent, self-confident and organized. She didn't need him, didn't even want his sperm.

James Evan Wilson stood on the balcony which connected his and House's offices.

He sighed. He wondered why he tortured himself over and over again.

He knew the answer.

James Wilson was afraid of being alone more than anything else. So he always chose people who had to stay with him. Even if only for a matter of time. But during this laps of time they had to stay with him because they couldn't go on alone.


	3. 13

She sat at home and stared at the white blank wall

She sat at home and stared at the white blank wall. He discovered her little secret. Of course he had. He was House after all. A busy little digger he was. Digging up every flaw, every secret, while keeping himself locked up.

She wasn't afraid of the diagnosis. She couldn't alter her DNA or change fate or invent a cure.

She wasn't afraid of the painful and undignified death, which might occur to her.

She wasn't afraid of not knowing. She preferred not to know. It didn't matter anyway.

But the thing 13 was afraid of was the one thing which was inevitably connected to her fate.

She was afraid of the reaction and behavior of all the other people who would know as well. Friends, colleagues, family, acquaintances, strangers.

The looks they would cast into her direction, the whispers, the pity.

She had seen what a human being became once the horse was out of the barn. A lifeless puddle of self-pity.

And now that House knew she felt the fear clutching her guts and turning her stomach.


End file.
